Grief appears in all of our lives we cannot escape it, it gets in the bones. Every fibre will be taken, every fibre belongs to grief now.
Grief isn’t polite, it doesn’t wait for an invite. It comes alone- a solitary blanket; blessing and curse all at once. The timing of it can often be as hard to handle as the grief itself, let’s face it the timing is always out. Whatever form it takes and whenever it arrives, it stays, maybe even forever for some and though it changes in form, it’s presence is felt deeply by all.
But what of our grief. One thing I know now, it is never in vain. It teaches us to walk again- at a difference pace, to a different tune.
Sometimes we grieve.
To live this life, we cherish the gains, but take our losses hard.
One of the greatest challenges is grief. Our souls recognise the necessity to become who we need to be, but our heart and heads hurt and burst into fragile pieces, where we have no idea how to build ourselves back together again. We piece it back together bit by but, never the same again, changed forever.
We are gone. We are something new. We know not what.
In these moments of pain and shattering loss grief guides us like a lost warrior we now meet on our battlefield, thrown into war in tremendous agony. We can only embrace it with our fists of uncertainty. The clarity in grief is harsh and brutal in it’s ‘doneness’. It is done, so it will be.
The change must be within. The grief will force it so.
The changes come- flooding as they wash our hearts in grit and mud and we try to feel clean again, but fail in our grief to feel how we were so happy and free and alive and so we grieve and mourn those happy days. We become a mass of wailing anger and pity at times; we shout and roar at lost ‘holdings’ and dearest times. Oh how we grieve. Oh how we churn.
But living this forever churning grief, is unsustainable and so we must learn to live again. You don’t want to but you must.
We do it any way we can. We lead our blind and wounded selves. We scrape for bits of hope, of ‘anything we can.’
And so we must learn from grief, the teacher.
When we mourn a person, a story, a truth once held, a dream gone by. We spin a web of grief unique to our print. It can consume our hearts if we let it. We must chose not to ‘let’ it. We make a choice every second of the day it is a choice, to let it encompass or let us breathe? Sometimes our choice gets lost in the mist.
We can do this, as we nurture new emotions that bubble at the surface of our soul when we choose to let grief in. The grief that burns or drowns us as we need to hold on. We face it. Grief will not let you abandon it. It clings. It will call you back until you listen. It will scream the truth. You hear it scream no matter how far you run. Running is futile. So life you knew, you leave behind, as we let a new voice in, this voice will carve your soul to it’s raw beginning. Begin again.
Begin again and accept.
Whisper it~ begin again, accept, hold on.
“I see clearly the object of my grief. I hold space in my heart for it.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
When grief exists we need to accept it is part of us now and give it time to breath. It lives in us. It needs to exist, to be. It belongs here. It belongs now, this moment and this time. So we must embrace it no matter how hard that feels. Our heart may have burst into a million shattered pieces, but it is grief that will lead us home.
Gone is the story you had and once lived in. You own a new story, a new passport has been given to you, one with places marked in your history, far away lands, grieving deserts and oceans deep. So when you are ready you will write your new story, weave your life around to match the truth. The new truth. Our new life from this day forwards formed on blank pages. We are changed. We don’t deny it.
Grief can be the greatest teacher. It teaches us to walk again…
Today a difference pace and a different tune.
Once our heavy footsteps marched at a stealthy pace, but a gentle footstep ventures now to place it’s print again. When you are ready this is the print you leave. It is truth and hope that you didn’t once dare to dream of.
With grief comes guilt, shame, despair and darkness, but when we look closer when we finally open our eyes; we can see how they lead us to freedom, acceptance and hope. The opposite of what the grief may represent at one time can lead to these in the end. (Of course this seems impossible to believe, I tell you so you know for when you are ready.) It will come when you chose it. Grasp it when it comes. Grasp hope. Grasp peace. Grasp the light!
“I’m ready to find healing, joy, and peace again. With concentration, I will focus on this healing and liberate my grief.” – Thich Nhat Han
Letting go is the key to acceptance.
Not letting go of your memories, but changing thoughts and shifting those thoughts to what is now. The situation you have been given needs acceptance. Accept that. This is what is. This is how we let go. The things you once thought may need to change before you feel ready to let go. You chose it. You chose the pace. You keep it manageable. You set the changes. You make the choices. (Don’t let others do this for you.) Trust yourself.
The stories you made for your loved ones, may not be able to happen now in the new reality. Letting go of these will be tough and at times overwhelming. But by looking at what is, and trying not to resist the ‘what is’ that we can move forwards. We can walk again. We can heal.
This type of surrendering turns our grief into peace.
We have to find a way through the muddy fields of grief. We learn to walk again. Bit by bit a little part can move into the light and the darkness can start to lift. We let it in. (Give yourself permission to let it in.) Letting go of suffering is not selfish; but after clinging on for so long it can be hard to let go. If we hold on to gentle ideas of gratitude and love, we can slowly lose our grasp of our suffering and release our pain. Peace will be waiting.
Peace will watch over us until we are ready. Be sure. Be sure of this.
Calling in the Peace.
Sit with your thoughts. Watch them and listen. What do you hear, see?
Take them and accept them. They are yours.
Don’t judge just watch and hear what they say.
- Don’t try to make them fit, just listen and breathe. Whatever comes up is right for you.
Breathe deeply. Notice all the emotions which come up. You may want to write them down.
If you start to get overwhelmed stop and accept that feeling. Relax till you are ready. Don’t force it.
Now, write down or think about the opposite emotion for each feeling you found.
For example, if you feel anger, the opposite emotion would be calm. Accept the anger. Allow it to be there. The think about the opposite feeling. Focus on the calm feeling, even if seems impossible, even if it is for a split second. Remember how ‘calm’ feels. Think of a time in the past when you felt calm. Hear what you heard, see what you saw and feel how it feels. Notice yourself in this moment and breathe this in. Say out loud,
“I will feel calm again, if not today, maybe tomorrow, or the next day. I trust that calm is waiting for me when I am ready it will find me.”
This can be done for any emotion or thought that you want to isolate and work through.
Be gentle with yourself during this process.
Chose loving thoughts; no blaming or judging or guilt, just turn those thoughts to peace.
Peace will be waiting for you.
She has always been near.
Have courage let them in.
Walk forwards gentle soul.
Walk wherever you see a light walk home.
Walk, print footsteps of peace and love those you meet along the way.
Keep those who you lost in your heart, for when you stumble they will pick you up and show you the way home, their footprints will not be far from yours.
You will walk home this way.
You will walk your path to the light.